Monday 5 November 2012

Fed Up....


A very wise man once opened an article with "I'm depressed".

That was it, the opening paragraph. Just those words.

I know what he means. Last Friday I was just about to leave the office for the weekend when the actuarial Pension-Splitting report turned up. This long-awaited document sets out how the lawyers and the pension companies are going to smash my company pensions into smithereens, and how much they're going to charge me for the privilege. Just to add spice to it, it's caveated out of existence.

Had a bit of a cold coming during the day. Over the weekend this escalated into a pretty severe virus. All I could do was hang around listlessly in the flat. I didn't want anyone over in case they caught it, so I haven't spoken to anyone in three days. I'm off work today which never usually happens.

Poor, poor, pitiful me, right ? Well, no actually....receiving that report right at the end of Friday would have ruined an ordinary weekend. But feeling so zonked has helped me ponder it more calmly. Also I've been able to relax a bit, just watching TV, fooling about on YouTube etc. I'm normally far too driven to do things like that, so it's been good to spend time on trivia.

Highlight no. 1 - watching that sprinkler unit drench those Liverpool fans at Anfield. I still find it hard to forgive them for how dull and negative they were when they dominated English football in the early eighties.
Highlight no. 2 - the surreal moment where the Arsenal player took Van Persie's shirt at half-time. Maybe he'd forgotten that he was playing for the other team (just like the defender in the 3rd minute).

Best of all - listening to the re-mastered version of "Sailor" by the Steve Miller Band. What a great, great, artist Steve is, and this record is brimming with sonic creativity, strong songs, and inventive playing. The atmospherics in "Song For Our Ancestors" and "Dear Mary" come off beautifully, and the section with the climbing guitars at the end of "My Friend" is a literally hair-raising piece of music.      

 

Wednesday 5 September 2012

Paris Trip

Monday 3rd

Arrived at St Pancras just before midday. Very impressed with Eurostar facilities - quite a few shops, and a nice area to sit down outside. Weather very sunny - sat for nearly an hour reading an article about Dylan's "Desire" album in Mojo. Glad to see that this album is getting the acclaim it deserves; at the time it suffered from being the follow-up to "Blood On The Tracks" but now its originality is being recognised. Also read about Bill Fay, who sounds interesting (I went on to buy his new CD in Paris).

Caught the train and left at 14:00. Seat was ok, although the Frenchman next to me annoyed me by pulling the blind down without asking, meaning I couldn't look out of the window. (It's taking me ages to write this as the keyboard is different - in particular "q" is where "a" should be). Got to Paris at 17:30 - first priority was to buy some French fags, which are lovely. Then I walked to the hotel.

Had a hassle with the safe - thought I'd set the code ok but once I'd closed it I couldn't open it again. Had to wait for man to come back from dinner to fix it, which was annoying; however I had a delicious Steak'n'Chips at a cafe over the road. A French kid tried to cadge a cig off me - the Proprietor intervened as it's illegal to give cigs to a minor. Came back, had my safe fixed, although the man kept trying to leave before he had properly fixed it and was impatient when I insisted on him testing it properly. Then read H.P. Lovecraft and went to sleep.

Tuesday 4th

A blazing hot day. Walked to Rue De Les Pyramides to collect my Travel Pass from the Tourist Centre. Got lost for a while as the map I was using didn't reflect reality that well. Long queue when I arrived, but got the ticket and went down to the Seine and along to L'Isle De La Citee. Very interesting square here - then walked along to Notre Dame and went round the cathedral. Needed a slash and had to queue up to use the urinals, a hassle which only women usually have in England. Then went up to Les Halles, found an FNAC, and bought some CDs including the new one by the afore-mentioned Bill Fay. Also found the first Captain Sensible album, which has "Croydon" on it.

Had lunch back at Jardin Tuilleries (where a kid tried to con me into giving a donation to "orphaned children") and headed along towards the Arc. Found a Virgin Megastore and another FNAC on Champs Elysees and bought Steve Miller's "Wide River" at the latter. Then sat for a while and read, before getting the Metro back to Gare d l'est, which is near my hotel. More beer and steak, then back to my room for Tiger Woods on my PSP and H.P.Lovecraft. Was just going off to sleep when I was disturbed by some familiar rhythmic bed-squeaking from either next door or above. Pissed me off - I can have a good time on my own when not reminded of the world of coupledom now denied to me. It didn't last very long, so I wasn't very impressed.

Wednesday 5th  

Took the Metro to near the Eiffel tower - needed to change twice, and it was extremely crowded. Walked through the Field Of Mars and went up to the first level of the tower. Amazing views looking North over the Seine, especially of all the formationed sprinklers. Then took the train to St Germain and walked down the main Boulevard before catching the train to Montmartre.

Once there I had another battle with the map before finding my way up loads of steps to the Sacre Coeur. It was a very steep climb, and after the Eiffel Tower and the long winding staircase out of the Metro I'd had enough by the time I reached the top. But the views were spectacular although the day was misty. Went into the cathedral after lunch, and it had a huge plate-glass of Jesus in the dome and a massive hammer-horror organ high above the entrance. I sat there quite a while and felt a sense of calm contemplation. It was a good preparation for the remarkable experience which happened next....

Walked back down to the metro and then took the journey to Pere Lachaisse, where lies the grave of Jim Morrison. After a little trouble I found the grave. It is quite small and unostentatious, and there is a wall by it with loads of graffiti on it. I feel that the setting is ideal for Jim, who had no taste for piety and material trappings. Unlike other sixties stars he didn't own a mansion or flash car; he genuinely lived the bohemian life, although sadly he was overtaken by alcoholism. He was a written poet as well as lyricist, and it was his amazing feel for words which first got me interested in literature at the age of 15. So he has had a major impact on my life, to the extent that I went on to write stuff myself. That was the great power of sixties rock - to bring aspects of "high" culture to working-class oiks like me.  

(Writer's note - the above was written in an Internet Cafe in Paris on September 5th, on the way back from visiting Jim Morrison's grave. It was written with difficulty due to the keyboard layout being different. I then did some further work in the hotel just before catching the Eurostar back, but the session timed me out without any warning, so I lost all my work. So the rest of this is being written back in England on Friday 7th).

I sat for a while and then walked back into the centre of Paris while listening to The Doors "Strange Days" on my MP3. It is my favourite Doors album; a set of short, controlled songs such as "Strange Days" and "People Are Strange" (a masterpiece - "women seem wicked when you're unwanted"), before the explosive release of the epic "When The Music's Over". One of the key events of my life was first hearing The Doors at the age of 15 - the magic of Morrison's words introduced me to the world of literature and so has made a substantial contribution to my life. The band are so controlled and distinctive, and never cut a duff track over seven albums. Their output is just-about perfect.

I stopped en route to write the stuff above, then went back to the hotel. On the way I crossed a river which ran from North to South and took some photos from the bridge.

Thursday 6th

After packing up and checking out I walked down to Les Halles and did some more shopping in FNAC. I then walked east to the Bastille, and really enjoyed seeing this part of the city. There was a very spectacular park and lots of distinctive architecture, with the grand and the funky side-by-side. Had a MacDonalds at Bastille (was finding the Frenach bread a bit heavy) and then walked up to Place De La Republique and then back to the hotel.  
       
The ride home was very pleasant - I was sitting with a Canadian couple who were touring Europe, and we discussed Canadian culture and music, plus compared notes on our US experiences. Then upon arrival I had to battle my way across the Underground to Victoria; I was struck by the contrast between the rude, stressed, and harrassed Londoners and the more relaxed and civilised environment in Paris. In Paris you don't feel like a pariah for smoking; there isn't that horrible obsession with "prolonging life at all costs" which has taken over in England.

Got back to the flat and a brief domestic hassle with the lock on my door ensued - a nice way to come back !

Summary

From my extensive travels in the USA and now my time in Paris I can see how much England has gone astray compared to other countries. People abroad are much more friendly and open. Parisians have a reputation for being rude, but I found that if you make an effort to speak French to them and apologise for having forgotten most of it then they're fine. I don't blame them for being annoyed that everyone from England expects them to speak English. I love the cultured and relaxed atmosphere in Paris and all the distinctive areas of the City. The Metro and RER were very easy to use (however it is vital to work out where you're going beforehand). I walked all over the place, and really relished my Litre glass of Amstel in the evening. The only drawback is that it is very expensive. Overall a fantastic time and it was great being able to fit in everything I wanted to see.  

        

Wednesday 9 May 2012

Wednesday May 9th - Fasting


I must remember not to have any breakfast tomorrow, since I'm fasting for a couple of blood tests. These are largely to check out a couple of symptoms I've been having, so hopefully it will give the doctor the information to set out the appropriate treatment. I really hope this doesn't mean more medication as I've had enough of that over the last year or so.

Work is still very boring and demoralising, and I've never been someone who can just "go home and collect the money". If things don't liven up soon I'm going to have to start looking around as the current lack of activity is corroding my CV as well as my soul. I'm having a bit of a general malaise at present - aside from work, life in the flat is a bit dull and the weather is rubbish. Makes me wish I was back in the USA !

The bright spots in my life are my new relationship and my music. I have to thank rock music for everything really - it has seen me through many tough times and I literally wouldn't be alive today without it. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way - you've only got to think of all the "power of music" songs there are, from Chuck's "Rock and Roll Music" and "Roll Over Beethoven" through Lou Reed's "Rock'n'roll", Argent's "God Gave Rock and Roll To You" etc. etc. So what is it about this great music of ours which has given us so much ?

A clue lies in the work of a group I've been listening to a lot lately, the Flamin' Groovies. They recorded five classic albums in the 70s, from the Stones-y "Flamingo" and "Teenage Head" through to the 60s "beat boom" sounds of their three Sire albums. They play sixties-based music with 70s power and sophistication. But also their latter albums have a sustained atmosphere of melancholy quite unlike the brash optimism of their sixties' reference points. Whereas Lennon's "Please Please Me" was a bold indication of working-class contempt for repressed sexual mores, the Groovies' version is a lament for simple humanity amongst the jaded sexual paranoia of the post-feminist 70s world. Similarly, "You Tore Me Down" - possibly the most beautiful straight pop song ever written - is clearly based upon "She Loves You" but replaces the bubbliness of the former with lines like "Now I'm all alone / You're far away". This emotional honesty, plus the endless riches in the music, makes this music playable over and over again. This is the sort of thing which, in a very real everyday sense, saves souls.  

Children being born over the next few years have a great treat coming to them. Their parents are the offspring of sixties' buffs like me, so have retreated back into pre-rock popular music (the X Factor et al) as the only act of rebellion open to them. Their children can in turn rebel via discovering Elvis, The Beatles, The Stones etc. Maybe in 15 years' time there will be another mass outbreak of musical bohemia. Wouldn't that be great ? 

Monday 7 May 2012

May 7th - Alone Again Or...

I'm writing this on Mayday Bank Holiday Monday. I still find Bank Holidays difficult - you're supposed to be all jolly and relishing the extra time with your family. But since my divorce I don't have a family, so there I was on Friday afternoon staying late in the office when everyone else had left early, simply because I did not want to go back to the flat on my own.

In some ways this is odd - I have a new relationship now, and enjoy being able to do whatever I want to in the flat. Yet there are times which do seem to shove the lack of family right in my face. So I had to take action on Saturday to buck myself up (Shelagh was working), so went to London for some CD retail therapy. I bought some ace stuff - while I could have got it cheaper on Amazon, it was worth it to have the day trip and the exercise (I never use the Tube in London except if I'm working).

I had a wonerful day yesterday with Shelagh and her friends. Today I'm back in my flat doing jobs and I'm having to fight off the blues again. Living alone really is very, very hard - you have to constantly keep busy as the melancholy comes in as soon as you relax. Fortunately I have lots of interests in life and am free to pursue them, but the lack of company does become wearing. No doubt I'll go into work tomorrow and everyone will tell me about their family activities. I'll tell them I had a nice quiet weekend and get on with it...

My work is boring the arse off me at present. Due to there being a re-organisation, no-one is making any decisions and (as an Enterprise Architect) I am left in limbo. It really is so soul-destroying going in there and devising ways for getting through the day, especially if other things in your life aren't that great either. It's been four months now since the initial workshop, and I'm sure I'm not the only one finding it hard. Can we have some progress please PRONTO ?!? 

What else to write about ? The Cup Final was a damp squib until the last half-hour as Liverpool simply didn't turn up. It is good that Man City won at Newcastle yesterday as yet another Man U premiership title would have been just too depressing. It would be so great to see Chelsea win in Munich - they deserve it after withstanding the behemoth of Barcelona.

Political life in this country simply plunges further downhill. Hardly anyone bothered to vote in the Council elections, and those who did gave the Lib Dems a good kicking. This is a bit unfair - while they have turned tail over Tuition Fees, the Labour Party would not have done any different. People in this country have totally lost the concept of education as a good thing in itself for a country to invest in, so they see it as something you do to get a higher-paid job. They therefore see nothing wrong in the idea of saddling young people with thousands of pounds of debt, thinking they'll all be able to pay it back out of the high salaries they'll be earning. The mythology of this can be seen in the graduate unemployment figures.

The UK today is morally bankrupt, and understandably no-one cares about the vapid politicians who lead our parties. In my view it is vitally important to cling to the ethics which sit somewhere in the roots of our political parties, vote acordingly, and try and influence things for the better. Things to make a stand on :-

1. The NHS - the single greatest achievement in British political history. It is being pulled to pieces and both Labour and Tory governments have contributed to this.
2. Education - our brightest children are being alienated via a rigid, targets-driven, and under-resourced state system. If our country is meant to be based on christian values it is a scandal that well-off people can buy their children such an advantage in life. Public schools must be banned and their resources pulled back into the State system.
3. The family - both parties have done much to damage relationships and family life over the last few decades. Job insecurity has broken up the extended family and local communities. The tax system heavily penalises a "single breadwinner" family, forcing parents to offload their young children. Divorce can be obtained whenever one party is "unhappy", and family lawyers cynically exploit emotionally-vulnerable people for personal gain. People who choose not to marry are not protected when their relationships break down. There somehow needs to be a totally objective review of how relationships and parenting can best be supported in this country, free of "politically-correct" agendas and religious bigotry.   
4. The economy - the current crisis makes it clear that the free-market dream is over. Capitalism simply does not meet the needs of the majority of people on this planet. A better way must be found. This needs to happen on a global basis to stop rich people moving their money abroad, evading taxes etc.
5. Defence - why oh why are we wasting so much money sending soldiers abroad ? And why haven't we negotiated a proper settlement with the Argentinians over the Falklands ? Let's stop pretending that we are a military power and re-direct our money where it is better needed.

I am a passionate socialist and have voted Labour all my life, yet I am completely and utterly disgusted by what "New Labour" did and struggle to see them getting back on track. The Trade Unions are also being stupid right now, which doesn't help. I do believe that introducing Proportional Representation is the way forward and would have considered voting Lib Dem to this end, but they have totally sold out to the Tories.

So what to do ?

The Tories are morally repugnant. No-one with a conscience can vote for them.
The Lib-Dems have sold out.
The "minority" parties have no voice under the current electoral system.

I think I shall stick with Labour. They did, after all, set up the NHS, the greatest single thing any political party has ever done. Hopefully they can find in their ranks a genuine leader of heart, soul, and vision to bring some ethics and idealism back into this jaded, cynical old country.   



  
  

Wednesday 18 April 2012

Wednesday April 18th - a Hassled Week

Work has been good this week, if a bit frustrating waiting for the Organisational Design to get sorted. Was still a bit stressed on Monday re pranging the Merc, and then just before I left work I noticed on my Blackberry that I'd received something from my solicitor. Opened it when I got home while waiting for Shelagh to arrive, which was probably a mistake ! To my horror I discovered that my ex-wife has accumulated a bill of over £11k with her previous solicitor, c. three times what I've paid mine. This completely stressed me out and rather spoiled our evening, although Shelagh was as loving and supportive as ever and it was so nice to have her with me. This was the first time she'd seen me stressed, and I hope it hasn't put her off too much.

Next morning I read the letters again and rang my solicitor, and felt better after that. Looking at the incident, the main thing I am struggling with is that this is money that I worked very hard to save and should be being used for our children's education. I can understand why my ex, in the very raw early weeks of the separation, went to the first lawyer she heard of without checking out the market. I can even get my head round her refusal to change her solicitor last May when I told her that she'd gone with a top-of-the-range guy who usually dealt with much larger estates (she could hardly be expected to regard my advice as objective at that point). What really gets me is :-

1. Why did she opt for a confrontational divorce process at all, and why in such a rush ? We could have waited until we'd both calmed down a bit and then sorted things out between us before involving the legal bods.
2. This is throwing away everything I worked so hard for (I was always the single earner even before we had kids). The last few years at RSA were very tough, and I just clung on and on until such time as I could get an Early Retirement deal. I sustained considerable medical damage during this time included a nervous collapse at the end of 2006. I would never have pushed myself so hard if my wife had been bringing in a wage too (also the tax system severely penalises high-earning single income families, as can be seen in the current farce over Child Benefit). In addition I spent most Saturday mornings carefully managing this money in order to provide for the family's future.
3. Most important of all, getting as stressed as I did on Monday night gets in the way of my wonderful new relationship.

While I realise that I mustn't define myself in terms of money (as a performance junkie this is an easy trap for me to fall into), I do want to retain as much as possible of the fruits of all my hard work for my kids, my Ex, and my new life. I am utterly disgusted with the legal profession - they are totally corrupt parasites who exploit emotionally-vulnerable people for their own gain. When the dust has settled I am going to write about my experiences - there are existing campaigns going on re the corruption in Family Law, and I want to add my full weight to them. If divorce is going to become more and more a fact of life then steps must be taken to stop these leeches sapping money away from hard-working people when in an emotionally raw state.

Spent Tuesday getting over all the above while doing my job - and having a very enjoyable "cosmic" conversation with my colleagues. I am so lucky to be working with such an interesting and supportive bunch. Had a very pleasant bike ride in the evening to bring my adrenaline levels down. There is nothing quite like good exercise in the open air, with pleasant evening views around you, for getting some perspective.

On Wednesday I got my Courtesy Car, which to my great relief has an excellent stereo. I really love it ! The strains of Roky Erikson and the Explosives made me happy again. Primal rock'n'roll music is my way of drawing strength into my spirit, and the demonic intensity of Mr. Erikson took me right out of myself. Several of the performances on the CD I was listening to were recorded in Austin, which I stayed in last October. Austin is the most magical music city in the world after San Francisco.

Lots to process here - given the way the divorce settlement is panning out I'm going to have to face some stressful stuff for a while yet. But the moral is that I can manage my way through this morass, and I've got loads going for me now. I must devise better strategies for dealing with the money stuff and try to be more detached about it. Opening that letter on Monday 10 minutes before Shelagh arrived was not the smartest of moves ! 

Sunday 15 April 2012

Sunday April 15th - Back Home

Wednesday 11th

Spent most of the day picking up the pieces from my wallet loss - going through the mobile phone bill, collecting and activating my new cards, applying for replacement driving license and Oyster card etc. I also wrote formal letters of complaint to Virgin and HSBC.

All was going great until I went to post the letters. Being in a hurry I took the car to drive to the Horsham sorting office in Hurst Road, even though it's only 10 minutes walk away. As I drove into the slip road I saw there was someone parked and then a gap before another vehicle. I drove up to the gap, turned the wheel to the left, and then....scrape..scrape !! Oh no ! For the first time in my life I'd hit another vehicle. I was horrified, and apologised profusely to the lady. She was very reasonable about it, so I drove back and rang up Direct Line who were very good. I still felt really bad, so I wrote and posted a note to the lady as I had ruined her day. I subsequently learned that if you admit liability your insurance company can wash their hands of the claim, leaving you to pick up the bill. While I didn't use the words "I admit liability", I obviously acknowledged that it was my fault and apologised profusely. My main concern is to ensure that the poor lady whose lovely car I'd hit isn't inconvenienced more than necessary. If Direct Line try and exploit my honesty to get out of paying the claim I will make that very well known to the best of my ability. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Why did I do this after nearly 40 years of a spotless driving record ? It was a combination of a) being in a hurry through setting myself loads of tasks to complete before I could look at my holiday photos, and b) jet-lag. I must become less obsessive about my own plans and not push myself so much. My problem is that I either want to get things "ticked off" or do nothing at all. I struggle to do just a few things, then relax, then do a bit more. I cannot "switch modes" - I'm either in highly-driven "task mode" or I do nothing at all !

Thursday 12th / Friday 13th

Back at work. I'm really lucky to have interesting colleagues and an enjoyable job. The people at Worthing have been an amazing support to me during the tough times last year. I'm hoping that the re-organisation will give me a more demanding role - preferably in Delivery as I've done Enterprise Architecture for too long - with a bit more money ! I will need it if the divorce settlement pans out the way I anticipate.

Still finding it difficult to sleep. On Friday evening I "crashed" a bit and had a "flashback" to the feelings of depression I experienced last year. This always happens after a US trip - last time I had a really rough ride in November and had to go back on anti-depressants. This time, however, the feeling soon wore off as I'm so deeply in love with Shelagh.

Saturday 14th    

Shelagh is being treated to a Spa weekend by her friend, so I'm having a totally lazy weekend ! Read in bed until 10:00 AM, then had a long bath. My great friend Nicky has introduced me to the joys of Radox; I am so lucky to have such good women friends (plus of course an amazing new partner) who can educate me out of my barbarous batchelor ways !

Watched Liverpool v Everton (albeit distracted initially by having to call Direct Line). I have a feeling for both these clubs as I worked a lot in Liverpool during the late 90s / early 00s and really loved the place. The people up there will talk to you ! I actually wanted to apply for jobs in Liverpool after the 1996 Royal / Sun Alliance merger, but my wife wouldn't move up there. A great thing about my situation now is that I've had a lot of time to work out what I really want to do in life. Going through such a traumatic divorce really makes you dig inside yourself and discover why you're on the planet. I feel a lot more "sorted" now than I have in decades, and am so glad that I got a reasonable perspective on my marriage before I met Shelagh. This new relationship is very, very precious and I don't want to be carrying "baggage" into it.

Had a lovely long chat with Nicky and we talked through our respective faith positions in some depth. My spiritual life is changing and broadening out at quite a rate, and it's all very exciting. I've struggled for a couple of years with the rigid dogma of orthodox Christianity - especially a) the insistence that only Christians have found the true path and everything else is wrong b) the (totally unbiblical) paranoia about sex and it only being permissable within marriage, c) the stance that everything in the Bible is literally true, leading to absurd theories such as Creationism etc., and d) homophobia. I've now come to a place that says that Jesus (when on earth) was an exceptionally spiritual man who led people to God and continues to do so now that He is pure spirit. However this same pure spirit (or the "universal spirit" if you like) is accessible via other paths too. There's a wonderful synthesis going on involving Religion / Science / Psychology / Mysticism and it's all very exciting. Yes folks, I've gone a bit "new age" ! Fundamentally I believe in the goodness of mankind and our potential to overcome evil - Christian pessimism holds that mankind is fallen and can only be saved through the blood of Jesus, and I cannot subscribe to that view.          

Sunday 15th

Given the comments above, it is strange that I woke up with a strong desire to go back to my old church (Life Community Baptist Church) for the first time in a year. I was a member at one time, and continued to go there sporadically until after my wife left it became intolerable. So I looked round a few other churches, but none of them held much for me. This isn't surprising as I was unconsciously searching for a whole new spiritual outlook which embraced the Truths of Christianity without excluding the rest of the world.

So today I cycled along and it was really good to see some old friends. The service too was good, and it gave me a great measure of just how far I've come in a year. Near the beginning the Worship Leader went into a rap celebrating long marriages. People in the congregation who have been married a long time were asked to put their hands up and were applauded. If this had happened a few months ago I would have had to leave, but now I was able to join in (I do think this was a bit insensitive though as there are many single christians around who wish they weren't). Even though I don't believe in quite a bit of what was being said (the stuff about how we must go out and tell everyone about Jesus because that's the only way they'll be saved, for example), both the sermon and the worship was very good-hearted and I felt at home. I think I can go back there occasionally now and take the good things from it, filtering out the "Jesus is the only way" stuff, creationism, sexual paranoia, and homophobia.

I am now on a thrilling voyage of discovery with my lovely Shelagh by my side !

Tuesday 10 April 2012

April 9th/10th - Last Day and Home Again !

At breakfast on Monday 9th I had a chat with a homosexual couple re 80s music - they liked a lot of New Romantic stuff, and we found common ground in people like REM. Also spoke to a couple I'd met previously who had become engaged on Golden Gate Bridge ! After breakfast I checked out of my room, then walked up Russian Hill and the winding section of Lombard Street. Continued walking downtown, and visited the Cable Car Museum in Mason. Arrived on to Powell Street, where I bought a final batch of CDs in Rasputin Records and a pre-owned PS/3 game.

Walked back along Powell until I got to Columbus, then along there for a bit until I headed for the Wharf. Bought a picnic lunch and ate it in the hotel, then was picked up at 15:40. I found this walk very calming, and, while being sad to leave my beloved Frisco, I felt a sense of accomplishment. As well as seeing lots more of the city and going to Oakland Stadium and Alcatraz, I had done plenty of useful soul-searching.

At the airport I met someone who works at Tower Hamlets Local Authority, which works with the VOA (where I work). It emerged that we were sitting next to each other on the flight ! Flight was great, and arrived back in the flat c. 16:30 on April 10th. Unpacked, then had a lovely evening out with Shelagh - such a great way to be welcomed back. Tomorrow I need to pick up the pieces from the wallet loss and the Virgin errors, then it's back to work on Thursday !

Shattered now - have been up c. 20 hours. Goodnight ! 

Sunday 8 April 2012

San Francisco April 8th

Another amazing day ! Went looking for a Game Shop down on Jefferson St. and discovered it had closed down, but on the way back I passed a Sports Shop which had Rob's New York basketball jersey ! Bought myself an Oakland As cap along with the jersey, and then took the open-top ride (free as I had a two-day pass) to Union Square. Walked up Powell and came across a Gane shop, where I bought Baseball games for the PSP and PS/3 (having checked that they would work with English equipment).

Then I discovered a large DVD / CD shop - unfortunately the CD floor wasn't open as the relevant person hadn't turned up yet ! So I wandered down to the end of Powell St., where the tram ride down to Fisherman's Wharf starts. In the square a young man with an acoustic guitar and harmonica was playing songs in an early-Dylan vein. I went up to him and said I liked the song; I bought his CD and put $5 in his collecting case, and he played Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Allright" at my request. As he performed the song a surege of emotion came over me - the song is about saying "goodbye" to a relationship, and the words cut through to me as they tie in so much with stuff I've been processing while out here. I recommended that he should listen to Roy Harper, who isn't well known in America. I left him a note with the titles of some classic Roy albums together with my email address. It was so great to hear such a talented performer who is obviously in love with classic roots American music.

Went back up Powell and the CD floor was now open, and I bought six CDs there - Nick Lowe (2), Country Joe & the Fish, Roky Erikson, David Crosby, and Crazy Horse's great first album (the one with "I Don't Want To Talk About It" - as covered by Rod Stewart - on there). Then I rang my beautiful Shelagh and had a lovely chat about spiritual growth and her friends. How I look forward to being back with her and talking without worrying about my phone bill ! (already running at 400 quid according to Vodafone due to all the calls I had to make when my wallet was nicked - they say I should be able to claim some of this back).

Got back on the bus and went to Haight Street, Bought three more CDs in Amoeba, plus another Janis Joplin t-shirt in Land Of The Sun. Found a book on philosophy which will be an ideal present for Shelagh's eldest son. Then continued on the bus tour - very windy on the top as the weather was becoming more cloudy. Eventually got back to Fisherman's Wharf, where I bought a hat for Shelagh's younger son.

Had a wonderful moment this evening. I have made friends with a Grandmother / Mother / Daughter threesome from Maine who are here to visit family. They are all into their music, and we ended up singing "Get Together" by the Youngbloods together after I mentioned that the song is one of my favourites ! They are a lovely trio and we've had a couple of greats chats during the break. This is the sort of encounter which happens frequently in America and especially San Francisco - why are people so self-absorbed in England ?

I have had such an amazing time here - much better than if I'd had a car. Tomorrow afternoon I leave for the airport to fly home in the evening. I'm looking forward to the flight as I always enjoy long flights - you just indulge yourself with your entertainments as there's absolutely nothing else you can do. In the morning I will walk round Russian Hill, which has lots of interesting alleys, stairways (to heaven ?), and hidden gardens. Should be a nice peaceful way to round off the trip.     

Saturday 7 April 2012

San Francisco Saturday April 7th

An incredible couple of days ! San Franscisco is truly a wonderful place, the hotel is superb, and Virgin have looked after me really well. In fact I'm having a much better time than I would have done had I hired a car, and the loss of the wallet has given me the impetus to really make the most of the Frisco stay.

Friday 6th

Woke up at 5 AM (8 AM according to my body). Had bath and then started journaling some things I'd been pondering. I'm in a process of looking back at my early life and my marriage and ensuring that I'm learning key lessons now that I'm embarking on a wonderful new relationship. This has been very much assisted by an amazing book I've been reading called "The Celestine Prophecies", which is very deep and powerful.

After breakfast I went round to see the Virgin rep, who sorted out my situation re the lack of a hired car and informed me of a baseball game that evening. Three of the others there were from Horsham too and we had mutual friends at RSA ! I then set off on a walk right along North Point Road, following the coast until I reached Fillmore. Climbed up there - did this ok despite the smoking, so I should be able to get fit quite quickly when I quit at the end of this trip. Stopped for a while and started journalling again - loads of memories and themes pored out, and I started to see connections between a few things. San Francisco is clearly preparing me to move on into a positive new phase in my life. I just couldn't stop writing !

Eventually reached Alamo Square, then the Panhandle, and then Haight Street. Went into Amoeba and bought a few more CDs, including a couple of "out of print" items. I then went to "Land Of The Sun", where I bought a Janis Joplin t-shirt. The lady there, the lovely Alicia, remembered me from my previous SF trip last Easter, and we chatted about San Francisco music. I took her picture and she made me promise to email it to her. Will be nice to keep in touch with someone who loves SF music, and particularly The Grateful Dead, so much. I was a bit disappointed, though, that the sales assistant there (a young boy) had never heard of Quicksilver Messenger Service, who were every bit as good as the Dead in the sixties.

I then took the bus back to the Hotel and got the train to Oakland Athletic stadium to see Oakland vs. Seatle in the American League (West). This was my first-ever live baseball game, and I absolutely loved it; I was absorbed by every play. A knowledgeable guy next to me answered any questions I had when something I didn't understand took place. Oakland were murdered by Seatle mainly due to poor pitching (too many invalid deliveries) and mistakes in defence which allowed Seattle to score 4 runs in the third innings. It might well sound cheesy, but I found tears welling up as we sang "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "God Bless America" during the game. The only thing I found a little frustrating were the frequent timeouts and advertisement breaks (but at least I could go for a slash without missing any action). This was an incredibly thrilling experience which I probably would never have had if my marriage had survived, since I would never have got away with three solo US jaunts in a year ! The presentation of 20-20 Cricket in England has clearly been based on the baseball event, but somehow it just doesn't work when English people try and go "brash". Here in the US, though, it is a natural expression of the national personality. Got back at about 11:15 and had trouble sleeping since I was so exhilarated ! 

Saturday 7th

Spent the morning on a bus tour of the city. The commentary was very illuminating, pointing out fascinating facts about San Francisco's history (e.g. North Beach, which is now inland, was the edge of SF until the 1820s, when they created the Wharf district via a landfill exercise. Went over Golden Gate Bridge, which was lovely as in the past I've always been driving when I've done that.

The bus was late and I needed to be back at Pier 33 in the Wharf District for 13:15 for my trip to Alcatraz. The driver made a special stop at the entrance and I just made it ! The boat left at 13:45 and I spent a couple of hours on the island. The prison cells are suitably grim, especially the Block D Isolation Unit. But there was a garden with some very beautiful flowers - the colours were just so strong. The views across the bay are incredible and I felt very peaceful.

Returned to SF at 16:30 and then I sat by the sea reading for a couple of hours, finishing "The Celestine Prophecies". Walked back along the shore pondering the lessons from the book, and wandered into the shopping area on Pier 39, where I just happened to find the perfect souvenir for my new sweetheart ! The book is very strong on the significance of apparently "chance" events, and this could not have been better and it was the very first item I saw in the shop ! Wierd, man.... (p.s. am totally unstoned writing this. A bloke in Haight Street did offer me some pot yesterday but I told him I'm too old and boring to do that stuff now).

Plan for the evening is to check the football results, have a beer or two and supper. Need an early night as I'm shattered after last night. Plan for tomorrow (my last full day) is to go on the Bus Tour again (I have a 2-day pass) and stop off at various places to do some shopping. Might try and catch a film and also make contact with the people I met from Horsham for a drink.

How I love Frisco ! It knocks spots off any other city I've ever visited. Washington was very grand and impressive, Manhattan the usual madhouse, but Frisco has so much creativity, cultural diversity, and "positive vibes" going for it.      

Thursday 5 April 2012

San Francisco Thursday April 5th

I'm sitting in the lobby of the Holiday Inn Express in San Francisco. Loads more hassles over the last few days - Virgin completely cocked up the New York booking, I was unable to pick up my hired car here in Frisco despite Virgin in New York getting me to obtain a faxed "Certificate of Entitlement" in lieu of a drivers license (costing me time, frustration, and mobile phone charges), and my Emergency Credit Card still doesn't work despite me going into the Manhattan HSBC branch to get it activitated (got loads of cash though so not an issue).

But let's forget all that - and the work I'm going to have to do when I get home to get all this sorted out and some due compensation - and focus on the great things I've seen and done. One immediate point - the weather has been beautiful throughout.

Sunday 1st

After completing my previous blog I walked down to the Capitol and then to the Smithsonian Museum of Flight and Space. Amazing stuff - I saw the plane used by the Wright Brothers for the very first flight. I then went down to the Jefferson Memorial, the Rooslevelt Memorial, the Martin Luther King Memorial, and finally the Lincoln Memorial. I was struck by the majesty of the words and sentiments expressed by these great men. At the MLK memorial there's a long wall full of his quotes at various points and their mix of spiritual depth and passionate calls for action are so inspiring. The Lincoln Memorial focussed on the efforts incurred to keep the Union together during the US Civil War.

I am overcome by the depth of thought and idealism that the great politicians of this country have had. Apart from Nixon and Ford, every US president is streets ahead of any British PM except Churchill. Even Ronald Reagan had an authority which no-one in Britain can emulate. The US of course has its issues - lack of support for poor people, racism, treatment of Native Indians being a few - but it has a freshness and grandeur to it which gets me every time ! And, of course, there's rock'n'roll playing on the radio everywhere you go.

After that I walked back to the Hotel through the Georgetown shopping district, which was very pretty but a bit upmarket for an ageing punk rocker like me. Then had a nice evening at the hotel - hassles with HSBC at the end re them delivering a credit card which didn't work. Oh well, as John Fogerty says in "Travelling Band" (not to mention Peter Green).

Monday 2nd

To Dulles Airport for the flight to New York. Good conversation with other people in the van - a very interesting couple from Maine with whom I compared notes about working in London vs. Washington. Flight was delayed but very pleasant - it was a small Delta Airlines plane with raised tips at the end of the wings. Drive to hotel was 2 hours late but the driver was great - gave us a running commentary on where we were going as we drove through Queens and then across the East River into Murray Hill. Then various Virgin / hotel hassles - I created such a stir that they gave me a free drink ! Then quiet night in hotel (on 8th Avenue and 44th Street) and a quick walk round Times Square.

Tuesday 3rd

After sorting out the hassle re my Room Booking at the Virgin Welcome Breakfast I walked down to Bleeker Street (Greenwich Village) and bought some CDs in "Bleeker Street Records". I then walked down to the Financial District at the southern tip of the island and saw the World Trade Centre reconstruction work. Walked down Wall Street - so this is where all those *****ers who have wrecked my savings and pension plans work ! Not quite as grand as the City Of London in my view, but fascinating nevertheless. Went down to the East River and looked across at Brooklyn, before going into a MacDonalds for a meal. Was regaled there by a young black girl who was into her R'n'B music (the modern dance stuff, not what I call R'n'B but there you go !) and had a great voice. Went back via the subway and read in my room with a carton of wine for company. Still a bit stressed from all the agro, but a great afternoon nevertheless. Wine is a strange drink - I finished one carton and felt like some more, so got another small carton. Having drunk that I suddenly started feeling seriously plastered; it's as if there's a "tipping point" which, if exceeded, takes you right over the edge !

Wednesday 4th

Seriously hungover, but this soon went with all the hassle. Spent the morning with HSBC trying to get my Credit Card to work (a waste of time) and then it took me an hour trying to confirm the time for the pickup to JFK on the 5th. Wrote letter of complaint to Virgin demanding compensation - apart from the complete balls-up of the New York logistics, they just haven't been of any help to me with my lost wallet. So didn't get started on what I wanted to do until lunchtime.

Wandered uptown on Broadway and found a great CD shop and bought a few things. Talked to a nice couple about the merits of Joe Perry (Aerosmith) as a guitarist. Then went into a Sports Shop looking for Rob's jersey, but they didn't have the right size. Walked to Central Park West and the Dakota Building and had my photo taken at the site of John Lennon's shooting. Went into the Strawberry Fields area in Central Park, listened to The Beatles on my MP3 player, and reflected once again on what a terrible event that was. John Lennon was the best singer I've ever heard, wrote some of my very favourite songs ("Strawberry Fields Forever", "Rain', "Norweigan Wood", "Working Class Hero"), and was a great humourist. The bed-in for peace was a brilliant surrealist stunt.

Then I read in Central Park and phoned my sweetheart Shelagh. It was so lovely to hear her voice, and I've found someone with whom I feel closer than I've ever felt with anyone. It is amazing that just a few months ago I was travelling across America on my own not knowing whether I'd ever have a female companion, and now I've found the love of my life ! So hopefully this will be my last solo trip for quite a while, and I've got so much to look forward to now. (Oh I forgot - still got to finalise the divorce settlement).

Came back up Madison Ave and looked for a Sports Shop with no success. Will see if I can find the shirt in Frisco (although am having to survive on cash only so I might not be able to afford it). Had a Korean meal in a side street which was very tasty - spicy chicken, rice, and a clear soup. Then back up Sixth Avenue, across to 8th and then back to hotel.

Thurs 5th - Flight to Frisco

I loved being in Manhattan and went to most of the places I wanted to despite the hassles. However I was glad to leave as always; two days in that madhouse is quite enough for me. Flight went smoothly (on United Airlines), although the bloke next to me kept coughing all the time and so I couldn't have a doze. Arrived at SF Airport, went to Car Hire place, and was met by Virgin rep who confirmed that I could not drive a car in California without a driving license. So all the hassle I went to on the advice of Virgin in Washington to get something faxed from the DVLA was a complete waste of time ! At any rate, Virgin paid for my lift to the hotel, and I shall really enjoy my four days in Frisco on foot.         

Sunday 1 April 2012

Sunday April 1st Capitol Hill Washington

The journey so far :-

Friday 30th

Woke up at 5:00 AM, picked up by my friend Anna (thanks !) at six, and arrived at the airport just after seven. Got talking to a Canadian trucker in the smoking area who wanted me to go for a beer with him - at 8:00 AM ! Now I have been known to indulge a bit, but that was pushing it. Had breakfast and boarded the plane at c. 10:30. Flight went very smoothly - read "The Alchemist", listened to Television's "The Blow Up", and played on the PSP. Virgin food was horrid as usual but I survived !

Landed c. 14:15 US time. Had a lot of hassle finding the pickup for the hotel as there was no Virgin rep there  to guide us. One for "AngryEric.com" when I get that set up. Eventually got to the hotel - breathtaking drive over the Potomac River. Got to my room, unpacked, and went out for a walk and to buy some beers and a snack. Back to the hotel to use the PC to email my new sweetheart - had to pay using a credit card (AngryEric note no. 2), which had ramifications which I shall return to. Then went upstairs, played on my PSP (ineptly - London FC have failed to qualify from their Champs League group) and read, drank, and ate. Bed c. 2200.

Saturday 31st

Woke up at six am and had a bath. Nicely relaxed and looking forward to breakfast, so I just felt my coat pocket to check I'd got my wallet...nothing there ! No problem - must have put it in my rucksack. Not there either. I knew I'd used my credit card the previous evening for the PC, and hadn't been out of the hotel except to have a couple of cigs. So what happened ? By now my new-found peace was starting to erode rapidly. I ransacked the room, checked downstairs that nothing had been handed in, and re-checked the room. I finally had to admit that I'd lost my wallet.

I've had a few "oh shit !" moments in my life but this was heavy excrement indeed. No wallet means no credit cards (making you a social outcast in the US) and no driving license, so no car rental as I had planned in San Francisco. At least I'd got enought cash to get me through, plus all my vouchers, air tickets, and passport.

There now began the task of ringing HSBC, Amazon, the police, Mastercard international, my Travel Insurer, Virgin (re the car hire which I'd already paid for), and the British Embassy. I then went to the HSBC branch to get some more cash. This took all morning and, although everything is now sorted and a replacement Credit Card is being sent to the hotel tonight (without it I cannot check in to my next hotel in New York), it was an unbelievably frustrating process. Here's a few of the "AngryEric" points :-

1. All the IVRs expected you to know your account numbers. Having recently had new cards due to my divorce I haven't memorised them yet.
2. You were kept waiting in the same queues as everyone else, despite the obviously stressful situation.
3. I kept getting handed across from person to person - more frustration, time, and money !
4. Many of the people dealing with me could not understand an English accent and had no idea about English geography. I get so fed up of saying "T for Tommy, A for Andrew, N for Nigel, S for sugar etc. etc.". Mastercard International had no idea what or where "West Sussex" is, and the mention of "BTInternet.com" on my email address really baffled them. I eventually said "it stands for British Telecom - you might have heard of them since you probably lease their WAN lines for your offshoring arrangement". I don't want to be racist and I know the people handling the calls are doing their best, but in a situation like this you don't need to have to keep repeating yourself and taking ages over the simple act of giving them your details.
5. Travel Insurance - I urge anyone reading this never to buy from MORE TH>N, and I speak as someone who worked there 30 years. I had already pre-paid for the hire car in Frisco, yet MORE TH>N informed me that, in the event of me having to cancel it due to the lack of a Driving License, this would not be covered by the policy (Virgin wouldn't refund it either, referring me to my insurer). I paid for the top rate "Premium" class of cover, and nowhere was it clearly highlighted  in the Policy literature that this was excluded. I know the ropes regarding insurance and that insurance companies must make any exclusions crystal-clear, so I shall right to their UK CEO - a personal friend of mine - when I get home.  (Fortunately Virgin are arranging direct with Alamo for me to be able to pick up the car). 
6. There was no-one willing to take on any tasks for me - I had to pursue every strand of this myself. I pay money to Virgin for them to look after me while on a Virgin Package Holiday and they didn't do so.

So lots of "AngryEric.com" material there ! After that however my mood improved rapidly as I walked down Mass. Avenue and 16th Street past all the foreign embassies. I then reached the White House and paused to reflect upon all the great men who had served there. American politicians - even Reagan, who is under-rated in my view - are of a quality way above our cynical mingy bunch. Michelle Obama makes "SamCam" look like the lightweight she is. I then walked down the Mall past the Smithsonian museums to the Capitol. By now tears of joy were in my eyes - this is such an awesome country and I'd always dreamed of being here ever since I watched all the stuff about JFK's assassination as a 6 year-old in 1963. I walked right up to the Capitol building and felt humbled. All the garbage from last year seems behind me now and I can relax and enjoy life again. It felt like the culmination of a particular sequence of events bringing peace and resolution to me here at the most important building on the planet.

(I bought a "no to circumcision" t-shirt, having chatted with some ladies by the Capitol who were protesting about this vile practice).

I then had one of those awesome moments which happen a few times in life. I was sitting at the edge of the Reflecting Pool in front of the Capitol finishing a book called "The Alchemist", which is one of the most profound books I have ever read. While very biblical, it showed me that spiritual truth cannot be structured, organised, and packaged up into a church and a theology. There is one Truth/God but many, many paths towards it. Having left the church a few years ago I now know exactly why it was right to do so. Reading this book and understanding these things while fulfilling a lifetime dream by being here was very deep, intense, and beautiful.

End of cosmic bit - came back to hotel, played PSP, then beers, supper, reading, and bed.

April 1st

Had a filling US breakfast and then came out to Woodley Park Zoo Metro station. There I met a young girl called Anne who was travelling into Washington for a casting session for a re-make of "House Of Cards". She had a degree in Clinical Psychology and was now looking to branch out. We talked about phones, counselling, relationships, films, and music - all in 20 minutes ! Only in America do you get this. The English, and men in particular, are such stuffed shirts. I hope my daughter doesn't marry an Englishman.

So now I'm here writing. Plan now is to go to the Smithsonian Space / Aircraft museum. New York tomorrow !